Specific uses of metta bhavana

Metta bhavana is probably best for emotional turmoil, specifically with regards to guilt and anger.

That has been my personal experience at least.

There is always a danger, however, of metta bhavana becoming attachment, which would be a problem, as it is happening to me right now. I'm too attached to myself, and also to her, so I guess it is a good thing that she is not contacting me at all.

It's hard to avoid the mind clinging on: afterall it has been a year and a half of being together. The end result has been a very strong attachment to her, and this attachment is causing me to wonder half the time, "why does she suddenly treat me like I am dead?", "why this sudden lack of contact?", etc. The attachment has caused me to have an expectation, that things will be the same, when things and emotions change all the time, like clouds in the wind.

This understanding has caused me to be able to take this breakup a lot better than when I was younger, when I was similarly dumped by another girl. I guess one becomes better at managing one's emotions with sufficient practice.
:)

Zen in Water

Yesterday, I swam.

I've been learning this new method of swimming, called Total Immersion Swimming. It's actually not a new method: I've been trying to learn it since last year, but haven't really had the time to.

It starts off with the simple premise that by reconditioning your body-mind to learn simple moves all over again, you can improve the shape of your body in the water, and thus improve your speed. In addition, you do not get fit by blindly applying brute force, but by practicing your technique, and increasing your distance steadily.

So yesterday I spent the time gliding in the water. It's really weird because I was too tired to try as hard as I used to, in the weeks past.

But my stroke efficiency improved tremendously.

All I did was to just trust myself, and to focus on what I was doing. It felt really good to just glide in the water, to move, and to focus on the sensations.

It was a very calming thing to do as well, almost meditative.

The Impermanence of Metta Bhavana

On Monday, I had gone for a Vipassana "appreciation" course taught by this Malaysian Chinese monk of the Burmese tradition.

He started off by teaching us shamatha meditation, i.e. meditation methods to calm and focus the mind. We started off by using loving kindness meditation, or metta bhavana.

In metta bhavana, you first cultivate the feelings of friendliness and love towards yourself, wishing to yourself:




May I be free from enmity;


May I be free from mental suffering;


May I be free from physical suffering;


May I be happy.


Having had a very rough night the day before, this meditation was a huge relief. I finished the two hours feeling very different from the previous night, being actually able to rest and to sleep.

The following two days, I've been so busy with myself that I have not really had time to sit and meditate for more than 20 minutes at one time. Consequently I have maybe meditated for around 20 minutes in the past few days.

The effects are much more obvious today: my mind has been swimming in thoughts about the past, and basically I have lapsed a little into living with ghosts again, with the memories coming back.

It's really important for me to get a balanced mind, so I think I will spend some time to sit down and meditate again today, to get back my balance and focus again.